24 days and counting.
It is quite obvious, not only because I have said it time and time again, that I am a planner. Even now I am planning for what I am going to do after my AmeriCorps adventure. I used to say this was one of my strongest qualities, and while I still find strength in that, I can also see how it is a hindrance. I plan so much so that I lose sight of what is going on right now. In high school I was planning for college, and looking back now I find myself wishing I had been more involved within the school. In college I was again planning for my life after, so much so that I feel like my last semester in Cape Girardeau was spent doing nothing but work and I wish that I would have lived more in the moment. Don't get me wrong, I loved every moment I spent in Cape, but my last few months there could have been a little more enjoyable in the way of hanging out with my friends and doing things I always wanted to do. (Jamie and I even created a type of leap list of things and places we wanted to do before we left, and while we accomplished some, the majority of the list was left uncrossed).
This is coming off a little whine-y, so let me clarify. I don't want to sound like I am living with regrets, because I do not regret anything my life has handed me, because it was all of those experiences that has made me who I am today. And not to toot my own horn or anything, but I am pretty proud of who I am. What I am trying to get across is that I need to challenge myself to learn from my past and make my future better. I can do that in the way of taking a breath and slowing down. I need to stop counting down, stop planning, stop worrying, and blah blah blah. (Okay, maybe not stop, but slow down a bit).
Slow down...live in the moment!
I wanted so much to say I would start that once I leave for MS, but I
|all of us, plus 3 more all livign under one roof, shesh!|
What I am going to miss about my mom when I am with AmeriCorps is our daily bickering, because though it may seem all we do is fight, I know that we both take our frustrations out on each other because we know the other understands. For example, when our nerves are short dealing with the little ones all day! I am going to miss laying on the couch attempting to sleep while she is in her chair laughing at the stupidest shows...big foot exists my ass. I am going to miss arguing about having to go to get the kids just to be arguing, because in all honestly, its not that big of a deal. I am going to miss her bed and sharing nap times with the kids so that we both get a nap in!
|if PawPaw is home, Isabel isn't far behind!|
What I am going to miss about Cherie is the constant surprise of what the hell she will be wearing next. I will miss her strange obsession with following a schedule. I will miss the strange characters she goes into (Hazel). I will miss watching Glee with her and I will miss not being able to see her in her school play. I am even going to miss her 'Cherie speed' of doing things!
|with four kids, someone is always picking on her!|
What I will miss about Hailey is seeing the baby I fell so in love with nine years ago every day. I will miss seeing her in the same uniform I would wear everyday when I walked home from school to see a baby Hailey standing in the door waiting for me. I will miss seeing the same face she made as an excited toddler when she saw me as I do when I now pick her up from school. I will miss watching her read. I will miss helping her with her homework. I will miss rare moments when she and the kids are playing nicely together. I will miss her crazy stories and poses. I will missing getting a hug, kiss, and 'good night Amanda' every night.
|such a diva!|
|sweet but sassy|
What I will miss about Jorge is his constant energy! I will miss him running from room to room playing in his own little world. I will miss watching his, at least, 3 wardrobe changes a day. I will miss nap time with him. I will miss his sweet little voice when he is trying to get something from Isabel. I will miss his never ending hunger. I will miss his inability to lie. I will miss how helpful he is during the day. I will miss watching him become attached to Rachel when she gets home. I will miss his silly fear of bugs, animals, dogs, or anything else that moves or makes noise. I will miss those moments when he decides he just wants some lovin and curls up on my lap.
|sweetest boy in my life <3|
|crazy eyes! hah love them :)|
Waaah, I am homesick already and I am in the same house as all these people right now!
I know I still have 24 days with these people before I leave, and I also know that I will get to spend all the time in the world with them once I graduate AmeriCorps, but my inspiration for this blog and realizing how much I need to live for the moment and appreciate each one came from my Opa.
One of the reasons I have been hesitant about accepting my position in AmeriCorps was the fear of something happening to my Grandpa while I was gone or he not remembering me when I returned. On January 22 he passed away from a massive stroke. It was very unexpected and so hard for the family to deal with. My Grandma passed away in 2009, and my memories of the two from when she was alive are mainly dominated by her. In the past two years I have been able to get to know my Opa and see firsthand what an amazing man he was. As hard as it was/is to have lost him, I cherish the time I got to spend with him and I know he would be proud of the journey I am about to begin. Having lost him also showed me just how mortal we are. As a result to him, I realize how much I need to cherish these small moments with the people I love more than anything/one else in the world.
|i love you Opa! thank for all that you did for me|
|can't wait to see how much they will have grown when i return!|